1. All your Zubaz are in the wash.
2. Grandpa would have worn one to your funeral if it was you who had drunkenly bet that you could swim across Lake Prospect while dragging a fishing boat full of old car batteries but then had a massive heart-attack just 50-yards from the opposite shore.
3. It’s Sunday morning – what are you, Catholic?
4. Your wife paid a lot of money for these opera tickets; the least you could do is get cleaned-up and tell your 18-year-old Belgian exchange-student girlfriend that she’ll have to get one of her friends to take her to Lamaze class tonight.
5. Appearance is everything in a job interview…especially when your resume is written on the back of a Waffle House placemat.
6. You’re 90% sure that your official Motley Crue “Stink of Love Tour ’87” denim jacket is not the type of jacket to which this restaurant’s “jacket required” sign refers.
7. You believe the old saying “the suit makes the man.” But then again, you also believed that a Democratic President could get a decent health-care reform bill passed by an overwhelmingly Democratic congress at a time when the GOP is less relevant than Juice Newton. I’m just saying.
8. Every girl crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man.
9. You can’t afford to have this jury thinking you’re the kind of guy who would methodically gun-down every dealer, pimp and hustler who ever crossed him on his way to running this town then show up for court dressed like a slob.
10. It’s time the town council started taking your “Armenians are ruining this town” argument seriously.
11. Traditional Southern manners dictate that one hang one-self in the garment in which one wishes to be buried.
12. In spite of your arguments to the contrary, management feels strongly that people are less likely to purchase All State insurance from an agent wearing a “You’re in Good Hands, Motherfucker” t-shirt, than an agent wearing traditional business garb.
13. Old people will write-out a check to anybody who shows up at their door wearing a suit.
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1 comment:
Before an old Armenian, Catholic, souther republican, drug dealer gets to you, I'd just like to this was a hilarious post. Keep your ears peeled. You'll probably be able to hear the wind gently rustling their Zubas as they approach.
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