12 GOOD REASONS (PLUS 1 BAD ONE) TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD

1. These here are get’n too big to cuddle.
2. Any endeavor that not only inspires, but requires a male orgasm is just fine.
3. You didn’t care one bit for that smug urologist who performed your vasectomy, what with his whole “while no physician worth his salt is going to guarantee sterility, nobody’s ever planted a seed after I’ve clipped him” shtick. Well, that jackhole’s underestimated your swimmers for the first and last time, because in 9 months you’re going to march right back down to the Maplewood Reproductive Health Clinic and introduce that taint-shaving bastard to the child you named Exhibit A. As in “Exhibit A” in the malpractice lawsuit that’s going to send you and the misses on one of those Budweiser booze-cruise thingy’s. So long as you can find a babysitter, of course.
4. Everybody’s got to do their part if we’re going to outbreed those crafty Mormons.
5. Seems to work out alright for all those professional basketball players.
6. Mountains of dirty diapers. Rivers of drool. Perpetual unintelligible babbling. Yeah, you’d be wise to spread around the burden of caring for your elderly ass over as many descendants as possible.
7. They’re putting damn-near 300 horses under the hood of them caravans now. I’m just saying.
8. Hours of uninterrupted sleep are for jerks.
9. All in all he’s a pretty shitty clergyman, but there’s no denying that Father Ken is ’93 Michael Jordan around the baptismal font.
10. More spots on the chore wheel! After all, many hands make for short work. And many tiny hands make for a potentially lucrative basement-based garment business if that caseworker doesn’t get too nosey.
11. Three words: Tax credit.
12. Dads the world over have been asking the question for years and gotten absolutely nothing from those adorable little stonewallers, but, nonetheless, you’d like one more shot at finding out exactly, “who’s daddy’s little cutey-wooty?”
13. The producers have informed you that the network is much more likely to pick-up a blended-biracial-family -living-off-the-land-out-behind-Promises-Rehabilitation-Center-in-Malibu-with-Gary-Busey-and-that-asthmatic-handicapped-kid-from-Malcolm-In-The-Middle reality program if there was to be a baby born somewhere around episode #4.